I want to walk on stilts...naked
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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