Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
That reminds me...we need to get swords
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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