I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
