I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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