During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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