One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
My dad just said "fuck circus"
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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