goodnight i made you a song goodbye
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Randomize