he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
