feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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