the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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