My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
