thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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