giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize
