I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
You pole danced in your parka.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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