Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
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