It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
