I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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