i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Are we still banned from the library?
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
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