He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
