i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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