My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
