the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
