I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
