i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize
