omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Randomize
