Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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