Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
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