I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
my being single is dangerous.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
