I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize