$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Randomize
