My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
