i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
