i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Randomize
