Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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