Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
