pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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