zippers are such a cool invention
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
