So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
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