p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
