Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
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