I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Randomize
