i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
