i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
