your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Randomize
