you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
