Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
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