She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Randomize
