Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
