u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
