that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
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