i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Well I just put wine in my tea
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
