And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
