I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
