Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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