I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I think I am morally bankrupt
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
