porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
You may now shotgun with the bride
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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