hotel room ftw
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Randomize
