His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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