Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
