well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
