I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
