i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
