i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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