wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Randomize
