I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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