You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Randomize
