all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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