I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
