rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
