I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
