That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
dude i'm inner monologue high
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Randomize