I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
