Please, let me fuck your mom
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Randomize
