You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
operation have a gay friend backfired
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
