she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
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