I feel great
I just peed on a car
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
i think i just lost a toe
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
